After submitting my dissertation, and now having to wait for yet another approval – I’m more keen to ask myself, how much more seeking for approval am I able to take?

The past four years, I’ve felt defeated by the system which I never thought I’d feel welcome enough to take my guard down. I’ve felt defeated by the amount of sacrifice needed just to be called good enough. Yet, somehow, getting to this point also feels like I’ve defeated the system – because the rage, the refusal, the resistance is more raw than ever. As if untouched by the holy grail and holy demand to detach.

I tried to dismantle the layers I’ve created that have separated me from the world I yearn to be a part of. In some sense, I feel Defeated (by) academia.